Dear single Christian girl, a good man will find you
You are dark, you are light-skinned, you are tall, you are short, you have scars all over your body, hidden and visible. Scars that run through the rims of your heart down to the strength of your soul, keeps you up all night and makes you rain your pillow uncontrollably. You fall into depression and fall too deep that faith, life and mostly prayer, love seems surreal.
A good man will find you.
You wear a purity ring, you have carried out several evacuations you can barely keep count; you look at your body and hate yourself. The first night this man took your virginity forcefully keeps coming back to you even as you stand under the shower ten more times scrubbing your skin so hard you bleed, the bleeding is unobvious to you as much as the bleeding of your heart. Suicide runs through your mind; you tried to fight him that day but your strength failed you. Dear
Christian girl, it was not your fault.
You are you. You are as diverse and vibrant as the Udummiri mango leaves, every shape, and color, beautiful to those who see you twirling in the winds of life. You are different but there’s a common thread that unites you; something that makes the many into one; You are one dear girl worried about one hard thing: Will a good man still want me? And my answer is a capital yes
We live in a world singed around the edges with the black burning of sin. And not just singed but rotting at the core; not just touched by darkness, but dwelling in it. And then there is you: the light-child, the one born newly with a lantern in her heart. You are a difference-maker. But it is hard to forget the scars, isn’t it? It’s hard to forget when you have been burned.
We have all been touched by that burning, whether we chose it or not. Sin’s fingers grasp our hearts from the moment we enter this fallen world, leaving marks we can’t erase by any good work of our own. And then we grow up and can choose to let that grasp tighten on our being or let Grace break us free. But even free forget their freedom, sometimes. Even the free think more of their own scars than the scars of Him who crushed their shackles and broke their chains.
Dear, I know what you’re doing.
I see you in your room, looking at that Bible; you disbelieve the promises because a voice tells you the scarred and broken don’t deserve a second chance. You think good men come from a high and holy sphere, beyond the reach of the crumb-eaters. You have forgotten something. Good men are good by Grace alone.
A good man will still want you. You may think your story is too alarming for a good man to handle. You may think no godly man could love a woman with a past like yours. Listen: God’s men are draped in the same unmerited favor that you are. There is no favoritism. There is no better-than but there is hope.
Dear, good men are not good because of what they have personally achieved. They are good because they are grateful for Grace. Because they understand the depth and height and breadth of the love they have received, they strive to live that love as the men God made them be.
In loving you, God’s man will reveal God’s grace.
It may take time, meeting God’s man. You have to choose trust instead of hopelessness. It’s this testing-period we call singleness – a trial, really – that only becomes a gift when we see the strength God’s given us through dependence on Him. God isn’t using your past as His outline for your future and neither should you.
I once stood where you stand: Reading the scriptures, looking at Holy words, studying grace but never believing a word about it, trying hard to scare good men away because of a feeling of condemnation. Don’t let Satan speak condemnation over the daughter of the Living God. Don’t let him snuff out the lantern in your heart.
You feel so undeserving of godly love. You think that who you dictate the hope of your future. But who you are has nothing to do with this, and if who you have no bearing on your salvation, who he has no bearing either. The ground is level at the foot of the Cross.
A good man will still find you, no matter what you have done. He won’t want you because of your past, in spite of it. He’ll want you because you’re God’s woman: the kind of woman whose attachment to Grace echoes his own. He won’t be looking for you to prove yourself. He will be looking for a hand to hold in this walk toward eternity, because to him, your love is the favor he didn’t deserve
“Darling, don’t let the hurt someone else caused you in the past be the reason you reject the love another person is offering, don’t make a man pay for the mistakes of what he never did”
when you say “I won’t ever forgive them” I hear you say
You might say, Precious, “I swear, you don’t know how much they hurt me, you don’t know how they broke my heart and trampled on my feelings will never forget the hurt, the pains and the agony they caused me even in decades to come till the next life.”
I was once in your shoes just choose to discard that shoe because it just didn’t march my status, it got old and I grew tired and weary of being emotionally distressed each morning, treating others like they caused my pain. unforgiveness and bitterness only means you want to remain their captive, their prisoner, prepared to wake up every morning thinking about them, allowing your heart to feel the stabs and bear the memories of pain each night you lay down to cry me a river, soaking the innocent pillow
Sweetheart, let go, you need to let go, No! You must let go. It is never easy to forgive anyone at all; it was not easy for me to forgive the man that abused me at a young age. You don’t forgive them because you accept and appreciate their actions. Listen, I’m not asking you to forgive them, so you can erase the memories. I say you should deliver yourself from their shackles.
Even when you forgive, the memories are our story that we were able to scale through despite being broken and evidence of our victory
For a split second, think about this; If you probably had their experiences, their pain and hurts, if you had their upbringing, societal and religious beliefs and grew up in their environment you will probably behave the way they did. They behaved like that because that was all they knew how to
they could not love because they didn’t love themselves either.
Forgiveness is not a weakness, it is a sign that you were strong enough to push everything aside, empty the box and start a fresh page in life. I admire your courage in holding up so far, you are doing great. Every man deserves a chance at love and happiness, allow your inner child to find love and happiness in the warm embrace of the Holy Spirit, nature and brethren; and cry and smile on their shoulders.
Allow your God sent man to love you like a man. When love comes, take hold of it and I hope it changes your perception. Do not punish an innocent man for what another did
Precious Ngozika Oli is the Lead Minister of Frontline Christian Ministries, Co-owner of FULL OF GRACE Publisher, the editor-in-chief of Heels Magazine. She is a faith and lifestyle blogger, a Web designer, a Blogging/ book publishing coach and an entrepreneur. As a teacher of the word of God; she seeks to help Christians grow in their walk with God, identify their purpose and attain a stature of maturity in the image of Christ On the flip side, she teaches writers and entrepreneurs how to start a blog, write and publish their book, how to design simple WordPress websites and build side incomes.
If you wish to get in touch, email me to [email protected]