Girl, Ditch the Labels and Wear the Sash

by Precious Oli

I’m Black

I’m White

I am Caucasian

I’m red head

Look around the society, labels taunt us every day and cause us to attack each other. Several months ago, cries of ‘black lives matter’ rent the air as the internet lifted up placards and petitions for justice…LABELS

Let’s play a game of what negative labels do you think when you hear “Confidence”

Shy

Afraid

Incompetent

Not good enough…

All random labels generated by you to stop you from walking the path of progress into the woman you ought to become. The many times I received an email from a single lady, it always borders around feelings of inferiority and labels as these.

Such emails starts this way:

“Precious, I’d like to share my fears with you. I don’t think I’m good enough. I always have these thoughts in my heart that tells me I can’t achieve anything good in life. How do I get out these chains and walk into a better sphere of living”

My response? Gurl, ditch the labels.

I don’t recall a single day in convent during my junior years when I didn’t shed tears for lack of identification. There always seemed to be a particular set of girls whom other persons preferred to hang around with. Ideas were always locked up in my head that I didn’t have the qualifications for association and social contact with the crew that made things happen in school. I was boxed up by labels.

What are labels?

Labels are tags of identification inscribed or affixed to something for description or further information.

Read line for line and word for word. This is the truth. You’ll always see someone who is more beautiful than you, taller, has bigger assets and smarter than you. You will always stand in the midst of a group of girls and all of them receives a compliment except you

Labels start from your heart, it begins from your inability to recognize that you are good enough and can achieve anything you set your mind to. You see? Most times we love to blame others for not accepting us. Is it really true or did we first give them the right to treat us that way?

IMAGINE THIS-I sell a product but I don’t like the product and also make it very obvious to others about my dislike for that very product. How do I expect other persons to go ahead and purchase not to mention using a product I can barely stand? How do you expect me to love something that you don’t love?

The reason we-as girls suffer a lot more inferiority complex than the men folks is because we depend on our physical looks and assets to give us a sense of belonging. We spend money to cure our complex. Men want to have more money to cure theirs. Do you see how labels work?

They make you think small and in a triangular way.

Our society makes plenty of room for complacency or laziness; we’re rarely surrounded by confidence. We’re also rarely surrounded by sugar-free cakes and desserts, but when I really want one, I somehow find a way to get…Just kidding here. The truth is if you really want to break away from fear, shyness and the other labels that has kept you bound and stuck in a place. Girl, I say this with all level of boldness. You got to ditch the labels and pick up a new sash

When you really want something, you will find a way. When you don’t really want something, you’ll find an excuse. How does your subconscious know the difference between who you are and what you only think to be?  It looks at a history of how you’ve accepted similar things in the past. Have you ran away from your assignment? When you set out to do something, did you see it through?

When we’re at a loss, we reach for the lowest bar and the lowest bar is typically our highest level of training. That sounds a little backward, so let me explain.

If you set out to run thirty miles today, where do you think you’ll easily get to without stopping? You’ll get to your highest level of training. So, if the most you’ve ever run comfortably is four miles, you’ll peter out somewhere around there. Sure, adrenaline can take you a bit farther, and mind over matter is a big deal too; but typically your body will revert to what it knows and what it feels most comfortable with….Which in your case could be HIDING

The same can be said for ditching labels of mediocrity. If you decide on a goal as soon as you break up with labels—for example, “I’m going to start that blog” or “I’m going to speak at the event”; your subconscious will formulate the likelihood of that happening based on past experiences.

So when it’s The D-day and you’re panting and out of breath; scared and afraid and you don’t want to head out for your run, you will revert to the highest level of mental training. What happened the last time you found yourself here? Did you push through and form a habit and get it done? Or did you make an excuse? Did you put it off until later?

Whatever standard you’ve set for yourself is where you’ll end up . . . unless you fight through your instinct and change your pattern.

That’s how I changed my own patterns and behaviors; how I established the rule in my life that I would no longer wrap myself in a dark cloak of labels no matter how it was. It all began with starting a blog.

I used to be scared of letting others know I owned a blog, to aligning for a divine narrative for women magazine and I keep putting labels off. I realized that the world is not hungry for mediocrity. We really don’t need a bunch of fear stricken runaways running around, doing an average job in life. This world needs CONFIDENCE and goal getters,

Here’s what I want you to do right now! Climb the highest height inside the house or stand a peak outside the house and scream loud “I break up with Labels (Put their names in the blank space)

WEAR THE SASH

You know a sash, right? The type they place on Miss Nigeria, Miss Europe and delegates worthy of recognition at an event. Do you see the confidence with which the ladies rock these sashes and twirl on stage to show off what and whom they represent? Confidence to me is a sash I can wrap on my skin boldly to show to everyone who cared to know that I am good enough and capable of surmounting challenges. You know what? Confidence is way deeper than just a physical sash, it is a state of being, a mindset and reality of existence

I believe confidence is all about being positive concerning what you can do and not worrying over what you can’t do. A confident person is open to learning, because she knows that her confidence allows her to walk through life’s doorways, eager to discover what waits on the other side. She knows that every new unknown is a chance to learn more about herself and unleash her abilities.

Here’s what Joyce Meyer wrote in one of my favorite reads from her ‘The confident woman”

Confident people do not concentrate on their weaknesses; they develop and maximize their strengths.

For example, on a scale of 1 to 10, I might be a 3 when it comes to playing the piano. Now, if I were to practice long and hard and if my husband could put up with the racket; I could, maybe, transform myself into a middle-of-the road, level-5 pianist. However, as a public speaker, I might be an 8. So, if I invested my time and effort into this ability, I might just be able to get to a level 10.

When you look at it this way, it’s easy to see where you need to invest your efforts. I believe everyone can be a 10 at something, but our problem is that we often work so hard on trying to overcome our weakness that we never develop our strengths. Whatever we focus on grows larger in our eyes; too large, in fact. We can turn something into a huge problem, when, in reality, it would be a minor nuisance if only we viewed it in perspective with our strengths.

Everyone around me knows this about Precious Oli and I’m not ashamed to say it because I know my strength. I am not a mathematics person, I don’t like to crunch numbers or solve equations. In fact, asking me to sit at a the bank, accept cheque and balance brought or calculate figures all day would be the death of me.

Now, my mum wanted me to study medical course but girl, for life death of me I escaped that torture on time because as much as my love to see and stand blood is overwhelming even to me. I can’t solve science related questions. However, I could bend my fingers all day and punch letters on my keyboard, make things up and tell life event in the most interesting way ever. I get excited just having my word document open while I sleep. A sense of joy fills my soul reading the things I wrote and having other persons pass compliments on them.

Like me, you could droll over your inability to do a particular thing. For example “Math”. You could buy integrated math and other books on the subject, and maybe even take courses to help upscale your progress. But your struggle to show others that you can actually learn to solve math could kill the time that could be devoted to achieving a feat pertaining to what you are meant to do like becoming a great English teacher, creative writing, or volunteering.

In Joyce’s words, you might rob time and effort from the 10s in your life just to bring a lowly 3 up to a mediocre 5.

A person void of confidence is like a car parked at the garage with empty fuel tanks. The car has the ability to take part in a car race, but without some fuel, it’s not getting out of the garage. Confidence is our fuel. Our confidence, our belief that we can succeed, gets us started and helps us finish every challenge we tackle in life. Without confidence, a woman will live in fear and never feel fulfilled. Confidence allows us to face life with boldness, openness, and honesty. It enables us to live without worry and to feel safe. It enables us to live authentically.

You don’t have to pretend to be somebody you’re not, because you are secure in whom you are even if you’re different from those around you. Firmly believe that confidence gives you the permission to be different, to be unique. God has created every person in a unique way, yet most people spend their lives trying to be like someone else and feeling miserable as a result.

You see? I went thought this miserable phase of trying to be someone else. I always did so each time I found someone who had something I didn’t have or had an accent I didn’t have.(Now, this doesn’t include fluent speech) I’d force myself to try to be like them and do what they did allowing my own gifts to rot and lay dormant. This is exactly how labels manage to force themselves on our foreheads because sooner than you realize it, you sink into a state of unrealistic adventures which in turn results to mediocrity and sense of fear

Loud enough! God will never turn you to become another person. He wants you to be you! You can be sure of this! People with low confidence, are not sure about anything. They are double-minded, indecisive people who constantly get frustrated with life. If they do make a decision, they are tormented by self-doubt. They second guess (and third-and fourth-guess) themselves. As a result, they don’t live boldly. They live little, narrow lives, and they miss out on the big, rewarding lives God wants them to enjoy.

Each time I say I am confident, which I frequently do, I don’t mean that I am confident in myself or my abilities. I mean that I am confident in my leader, God, and the gifts, talents, and knowledge He has placed in me. I know that without Him I am nothing (John 15:5), but with Him, I can be a champion, because He brings out the best in me. 

If it makes you feel any better, I must confess I do experience fear each time before I accomplish a task. If it does not make you scared then its not big enough is my mantra for life. I dream big every day. Once I hit the floor, I’m up and running fast on the asphalt because I cannot my goals and vision to be held bound by a fleeting fear. Why should you?

It breaks my heart when I see people living fearfully, because without confidence, people can never know and experience true joy. The Holy Spirit of God Himself is grieved, because He has been sent into our lives to help us fulfill our God-ordained destinies. But you can’t seek out your destiny when you’ve let fear slam and lock the door of your life.

Every day, you wrap labels on your skin, cower behind the door, filled with self-hatred, condemnation, fear of rejection, fear of failure, and fear of others. Many victims of fear end up being people-pleasers, prone to being controlled and manipulated by others. Sadly, when we try to be something or someone we are not intended to be, we stifle ourselves and God’s power in us.

When we have confidence, we can reach truly amazing heights; without confidence, even simple accomplishments are beyond our grasp.

Most girls claim they have no outstanding gifts. They tell me “Precious, you have a natural flair and skill for writing and public speaking. I don’t have anything. I’m shocked because the Lord never said we were supposed to have any extraordinary abilities outside the one he has placed inside of you.

Remember what God asked Moses? What do you have in your hand? Boom! All that Moses had was a mere wooden staff-That staff transformed to a serpent and swallowed other snakes, the same staff parted the red sea and struck water out of a rock. It is not about what you don’t have but what you have. This is what you have to start out with.

Girl, what do you have on your inside? What is that one thing you are capable of doing? Start from there and then develop to become better and grow into that confident woman that God wants you to be.

Tell me in the comment section below!

God has chosen the foolish things of the world to confound the wise and God has chosen the weak things of the world to confound the things which are mighty.

Throughout history, God has used ordinary people to do amazing, extraordinary things. Yet, all of them had to take a step of faith first. They had to confidently press forward into the unknown or unfamiliar before making any progress. They had to believe they could do what they were attempting to do. “Achieve” comes before “Believe” in the dictionary, but the order is switched in real life.

I want this words to be engraved in the deepest parts of your soul and spirit, wake up to them every day and force yourself out the door wearing a sash of confidence on your body

GIRL, DITCH THE LABELS AND WEAR THE SASH-Let’s make it a real move by writing “I will ditch the label”

Will you wear ditch the labels, starting today? what is that one thing you’re scared of trying? The comment section is perfect for letting it all out! I love seeing your take home and resolutions.

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