Three phases we all go through when a relationship fails

by Precious Oli

If you landed on this page, chances are that you just suffered heartbreak or went through heartbreak before. If you are open to relationships there is chance you have made one or two mistakes in the relationship affair. You are currently going through these three phases we all go through when a relationship fails

As Christian girls, we are not immune to assumptions of who a great guy is, just because he goes to church and smiles with the ladies. We immediately jump up when he proposes to us and in the long run we find out that all that glitters is not gold and also find out that we should have waited on God

I discovered that most times we make a mistake; a reality of joy in waiting dawns on us, Funny right?

If you are here, there is a chance that you are actually going through this phase yourself or have gone through such or possibly a friend you know is going through this phase

I used to think I was a superwoman and wonder woman with steel heart incapable of being heartbroken until I met a really great guy whom I assumed was the right person, I could swear on my existence that I actually prayed about him and got conviction from God. Convictions can be very tricky especially when your emotions are already dancing towards the guy in question.

My uncle gave me a piece of advice that made me step away from spreading my emotions too thin, he said to me “Ng stop giving out your heart to everyone who asks for it, give it God and rest in his bosom”

Have you read this post? A good man will find you

I never knew I was an emotional person until I met and broke up with this brother in Christ. Then, I slipped into these three phases before I finally moved on and I do not want you to go through the same phases especially the first one. It is very horrible

phases we all go through when a relationship fails

Three phases we all go through when a relationship fails

  1. Denial

 I got you there right? If you are a very sensitive person like me then you must have had the premonition and conviction that this relationship was going to end before it actually ended. The fear and tight knot in your stomach that knocks your heart every morning you awake is enough to show you that you are in the wrong setting with someone who is not worth the time investment.

I recall mine always happened each time he failed to call or do some other stuffs. This is not to say that each time a person fails to call is an indication that the relationship will fail no rather for me I kept tabs of his behavior and lasciviousness towards some questions that it almost began to seem like I was desperate and a pest.

For me with my egoistic attitude towards men, the last thing I wanted to come across as was desperation. I have built and wrapped my head around the reality that I am more than enough and a Jewel so either you deserve me and treat me as such or you bounce.

Surprise…..!!! Jewel the wonder woman fell deeply in love and valued herself less.

He was a nice guy; they always are except you are in relationship with a panel beater. Then, Sis your fight is different, you simply need to carry your heart and take a wild trip to Alaska and don’t even look back no matter how much he begs, don’t stay and keep listening to his nonsense explanation of anger problems.

If we all start to offset our emotions then people we love will definitely be in the hospital under oxygen masks and with bandages round their head. It goes to show he is definitely not the one and not a believer as he claimed.

Denial is always the first phase, you make excuses for him. He forgot your date and your friends complain, you simply tell them he is a busy guy. We know, “awon busy guy of the stratosphere” who has no time for his woman, he is discussing how to build a second world or the world’s largest industry.

Spare me the details please. It is alright for him to be busy one or two times and actually make up for it but making excuses for a man who never makes plan for you to intentionally date and when you make plans he flops it is totally inacceptable

You need to get out of the denial and the excuses that you are fine and your relationship is fine. Admit your sadness and weakness and mistakes to God. What is the big deal in telling your own father in heave that you were wrong in your assumptions of a guy you choose for yourself? He won’t beat you up believe me; he will only draw you close and give you a kiss of comfort.

Stop the denial so you can heal faster. If it is not working out simply walk away and trust God with your feelings and relationship.

  1. Mourning period

Lols I wrote that mourning period like someone just died.  Truth is most of us mourn a relationship too much you would think their husband just passed away. Some go to the extent of not bathing for a whole week and just walk around like zombie.

This phase includes the feeling that there is no other guy on earth for you. Infact your silly head tried to tell you that you would never fall in love again. I just laughed at myself typing this because I went through this very phase myself. Lolsss

I told my bestie that I would never fall in love ever and that I was going to just serve God till I die. It is okay to want to serve and live for God but believe me the singleness is not everyone. Hence Paul gave the advice to those who can afford to do such.

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Read: when a good relationship ends

Why do you choose to mourn a guy who thinks you were not good for him? It pains me when I know the girl had been enduring the relationship like she had a blood oath or signed a death pact with said guy.

 Relationship is not a do or die affair. The least duration you should nurse your heart is a week and by that I do not mean walking around the house staining the whole place with your runny nose.

Take that one week to shout and cry aloud and seek God’s face for healing. One of the Prayers I learnt when my emotions went on a wild goose chase was “Lord heal my emotions”

You think he is incapable of doing so? Trust him with your healing process and see how he will bounce you back.

  1. Reality call

The last phase is usually the reality that these whole mushy feelings and butterflies are over with this person and you are back to the single girls club again. It is a actually wonderful to be single. It is the most time you have to actually do what you want to do, start a blog, start a YouTube channel, go for your masters or doctorate degree program, write a book (please don’t write a book on men are wicked and scum) I beg you in the name of the lord Jesus Christ.

We are way past that stage okay? Right now, you should be healing slowly and take a break from dating or courting anyone. I know some persons think getting into a relationship immediately will help heal the hurt of the previous relationship but NO! It only makes it worse because you will expect the new guy to fill up empty spaces your ex missed out on and you know he is God’s son too and God wouldn’t tolerate anyone bullying his son

You need to read this post; You are healed

Breakup is the right time to take a chill pill and ask God personal questions regarding your love life and trust him to do his own will. I will rather die single that love a man outside God’s will anymore. I have come to this point where I realize that my own will and plans never worked. Believe it or not, I am confidently relaxing in the will of God.

At the right time he will bring a man after his own heart. We will love each other and stay together for better forever.

I leave you with this verse “Be strong in the lord”

Have you gone through any of this phase yourself?

How did you heal from a breakup if any?

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Until next time, Stay focused. Be on the frontline


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